Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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