Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my poor anus
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
