Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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