Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
