My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
