you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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