i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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