If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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