i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
