i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
