i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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