I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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