he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
