So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
