so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
