Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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