We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
