the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
