I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
