um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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