Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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