I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
