Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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