11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
