so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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