i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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