I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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