haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
