Its about making memories worth repressing
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
