he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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