i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
