There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
