I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
