Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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