Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
40s are totally the cure
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
