Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
