you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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