I cut my penus on the lid.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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