Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
