Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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