I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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