Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize