you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
