real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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