can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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