Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
