I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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