Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
