How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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