hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
