I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
