listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize