When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
