I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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