O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
