Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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