I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sober January is a disaster.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
