Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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