I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
