And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
