worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
