hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
