just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
