Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
