Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
