oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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