my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
are you so shy because you have an std?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
