He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
