found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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