Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize