yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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