You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
