You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
