i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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