I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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