areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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