Farmville is her only friend.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
