Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
