My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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