we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
